The theory is that confession should lighten the soul and leave the confessor lighter. We all feel lighter, so we thought we’d give our readers a chance to confess their sins related to weight loss and fitness. You can add your completely anonymous confession to the form here. Let us know what he’s been up to and we’ll release the “best” (no kill please). We’ll also try to offer some unbiased advice and perhaps suggest a path to salvation.
Take it away…
I’m not proud of it, but I guess that’s the point of a confession.
My wife and I agreed about six months ago that we would both do the Couch to 5K app. We both needed to shift some weight and her brother had done it and he said it was really helpful to get fit easily so we signed up when we were a bit tipsy.
Anyway, we both bought sneakers. By the way, when did sneakers start costing £100? – shorts, jackets and all the trinkets and we decided we’d be engaged.
There’s a running track down the street and we said we’d get up and start running three times a week. I’m not going to lie, I was looking forward to it because I think I have a lot more to lose than her and I felt like a real idiot in all light gear, sneaking out at 6am.
The first trip we had a huge barney. In the application you have to choose who you want to guide you through it. He loved Jo Whiley and I loved Sarah Millican. Obviously he won and we had to listen to Jo Whiley.
I made a little ruckus and she put her heels on and turned into this thing that was either Jo Whiley or nothing. In the end I said the simplest thing was if I had Jo Whiley and I we would have done it with Sarah Millican in the middle of the day. Which she accepted.
So three times a week I take my gear to work, go out at lunchtime and play the next race on the schedule. I just… didn’t run. In fact, I drove. But to be honest, I drove faster during the sections I was supposed to run.
It was great because the people in the office found out and they all think I’m going to go to the gym to do it and they’ve all been very encouraging. My boss even mentioned it in my review.
My lady knows how I am and every day she runs she checks the app to see if I ran. She is always impressed when she says I’ve moved on to the next one. To be honest, she’s not good with technology and I don’t think she connected the idea that you could play run and, well, not run. It’s probably because you should be a real fan of playing every race and then not racing.
He lost a fair amount of weight doing the show and is starting to make noise about doing the last few races together. I checked the app and it should work for 30 minutes. As it is, I’m not sure I can drive for 30 minutes.
Divine intervention is needed.
MVF: Oh man. Intricate are the webs we weaved when we first practiced deception. You’ve cornered yourself properly here, right? The risk is that you not only drag your wife, but also work and bosses. Fortunately, the solution is at hand.
First of all, you need to put on your sneakers and start doing the program instead of walking at lunchtime. It is really easy to do and you can consider this penance for all the lies you have told. While this is going on, you will need a delay. Our suggestion is to accept her wife with an offer to do the last races with her. Do the first five minutes and do whatever it takes to make it look like it’s easy for you. So, just when your fitness is about to fail, BANG! This is where her hamstring goes. You have seen this happen to footballers quite often. Grab the back of your thigh and move very, very easily.
The average recovery time for a hamstring? Eight weeks. Long enough to catch up with Couch in the 5k, for real this time…
Image by Matt Crocker.
The post Confessions: Running Away With It first appeared on.